“I love you for who you are, not for who I want you to be.” While most parents say that they accept their children exactly the way they are, how many of them “actually” follow it?
Not many!
All parents have aspirations and dreams about their children. Often this leads to parents trying to mould their children according to their wishes. But, sometimes, it can be a dangerous and damaging experience for the children. Parents might think that they are doing a favour for their children, but they are actually causing serious stress to their children.
How?
Parents forcing children to change and conform to certain standards can negatively impact a child’s self-image and self-confidence. When children feel that their parents aren’t happy with who they are, they can develop a sense of worthlessness. They would feel like they aren’t good enough, and that they are failures. They might even come to hate themselves. With the number of cases of child depression and suicides increasing every year, it is high time we address this issue.
Acceptance is vital. It is one of the best things you can gift your children. Love without accepting who they are as a person is an empty gesture. Look back to your childhood and think about how much acceptance or lack of it from your parents impacted you. Then, you might understand!
So, how to see and accept your children as they are?
Communication is key
- It is never too late. No matter how old your children are, you can always start communicating more openly with them. It might be awkward for some parents at first. But you will get used to it.
- Also, let them know your thoughts too. Accepting them for who they are doesn’t mean overlooking all their actions. If they do something you think is wrong, let them know. Try to make sure they are aware of the consequences of their actions. Don’t yell at them or punish them without explaining to them why you’re angry or upset. Accepting your children as they are means you respect them as individuals, and therefore you understand that they have the right to know.
- Try to make shared decisions on their limits, curfews, and chores. Take their opinions into consideration while planning their schedules or assigning them tasks.
Try to get to know them better
The first step towards acceptance is understanding. It is not easy to fully accept something that you don’t
understand. And the best way to do that is to talk to them. Keep an open mind.
Ask them about their interests, their dreams, their fears, and likes and dislikes. Try to make them feel like they can talk to you about anything. Don’t judge them. Once you do this, you will have an understanding of who they are as a person. Think of it as meeting a new person and trying to befriend them.
Learn about child development and psychology
Children in different age groups act differently. Children act out or cause problems due to some issue that parents might not be aware of. Learning child psychology can help you in identifying the issue and also help you communicate with them better. It can help you understand their needs and cater to them better. There are many resources available online and offline to help parents understand the minds of their children.
Let them dream, don’t dream for them
As a parent, you might feel like your child’s life should be how you envision it. And once it doesn’t go the way you want it to, that’s when issues begin. To accept your children as they are, you must manage the expectations you have of them. Try not to place your wishes and dreams on them. Let them find their paths. It is ok to guide them if they ask for help, but never try to steer them in the direction that you want.
Ask doubts and help when in need
If you are having trouble, it is always alright to ask for help. It is okay to talk to someone whom you can confide in and ask for advice. Parents often feel that asking for parenting advice might make them seem like bad or poor parents. It is the opposite. It shows that you want to better yourselves and offer the best for your child.
Accept yourself
The reason you might not be able to accept your children as they are might be because of your self-image issues too. If you feel inadequate, it can reflect on your attitude towards your children. The reason why you are trying to mould them might be because you don’t want them to end up like you. Nothing is perfect in this world. You are good enough, and when you start believing it, you will be a whole lot happier.
Prove it through your actions
Just telling them you accept them for who they are is not enough. Put effort into it. Be supportive of the decisions they make. Engage in activities they are interested in and be there for them when they need you.
If you want to correct your children or to guide them, instead of forcing them, show them by example. If you want them to work hard and have values, show how you practice them.
Above everything else, make sure that they know you love them. Try to create a sense of belonging. Don’t make your children feel like they have to hide their true selves or act in a certain way to get you to love them.
Your children are the biggest blessings in your lives. If you can’t accept them and love them for who they are, it will strain your relationship and cause you to drift off. Try to keep in mind that your child’s happiness and contentment are more important than any dream or aspiration.
As Kahlil Gibran wrote
“You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.”
Your children are the future. Accept and love them as they are, support them and encourage them. As parents, those are the best things you can do for them.
We hope you can do all this. All the best! 🙂
Exam Smart Tips
Exam Smart Tip #1 – How to Encourage Our Kids to Speak Better?
Exam Smart Tip #2 – How to avoid carelessness?
Exam Smart Tip #3 – Establishing Routines!
Exam Smart Tip #4 – Let’s Read Carefully!
Exam Smart Tip #5 – Beating the Exam Fever!
Exam Smart Tip #6 – How to Eat Right for the Exams?
Exam Smart Tip #7 – How to Avoid a Meltdown?
Exam Smart Tip #8 – Taking Stress out of Tests
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